THIS IS South Carolina FOOTBALL

Given one century to attain the sheer, magnificent power of breaking even, South Carolina proudly maintains a tradition handed down from one generation to the next. Plumbing new depths in futility the University of South Carolina Athletic Department forges into a new century, one that promises to be as desperately hopeless as the last.

Given one century to attain the sheer, magnificent power of breaking even, South Carolina proudly maintains a tradition handed down from one generation to the next. Plumbing new depths in futility the University of South Carolina Athletic Department forges into a new century, one that promises to be as desperately hopeless as the last.

Entering the 2008 season, South Carolina can point to an all-time winning percentage under .500 (521-523-44), which ranks 88th all-time in D-1A football. Only 29 programs have bested this profile in sub-mediocrity. Walk with us along this corridor of pigskin failure: Duke, Western Michigan, Toledo, Navy, UAB, Central Florida, Ball St., North Texas, Nevada, East Carolina, Houston, Northern Illinois, Utah St., San Jose St., Vanderbilt, Akron, Baylor, UNLV, Kansas, and Rutgers. None of these names, however, say the word LOSE like the University of South Carolina football.

This, then, is Carolina Gamecock football. Carolina, whose stadium perches in Columbia, the New Jersey of the South, and resembles a dead and decaying cockroach. Carolina, where the players run onto the field under a sign that says, “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who enter Here.” Who run onto the field under a cloud of smoke for protection from insanely angry fans; who listen to the piped-in strains of “Also Sprach Zararthustra,” which is in fact a German anthem about the Persian founder of Zoroastrianism. Then they hear their fight song, a flopped Broadway Show Tune imploring the listening fans to “Step to the Rear.” This is Carolina Gamecock football.

Like a band of wandering gypsies, Carolina has never been welcome in any athletic conference. In the 59 seasons Carolina has been affiliated with anyone who would take them, however, they have won one championship. Yes, the ACC in 1969, achieved with a 7-4 record. Since the Associated Press began ranking football teams in 1936, the Cocks have finished in the Top 20 of the rankings only five times in the 71 years. Carolina has never finished in the Top Ten of a major recognized poll. Let us contemplate that word again: NEVER.

Carolina took its first inept shot at the new game of “Foot Ball” in 1892. Only one hundred and three years later, the program achieved its first bowl game victory. In 115 seasons of spectacularly, mind-numbingly unimpressive football, Carolina has yet to participate in even one Major Bowl (now known as BCS bowls: Rose, Sugar, Orange, Fiesta, or Cotton).

This is Carolina Gamecock football, where ten or more football games have been won in a season only once; where six or more victories have been logged in a season only 37 times. Thirty-two men have come to the fore as head coach for South Carolina football, and thirty-two have left in abject failure. Only five survived for more than five seasons. Each one has been hailed as a genius at the entrance door, then cursed as the devil at the exit, blamed for all the accumulated despair that in reality transcends any single avatar of ineptitude who takes on the mantle of scapegoat at the moment. This Carolina Gamecock football, bigger than any of them; Carolina Gamecock football, the Mount Everest of Losing. Three coaches have won national championships elsewhere, only to have posterity scribble a moustache and horns on their legacies after they dared to believe they could change Carolina Gamecock football.

Of the 56 programs which have played more than 1000 games all-time, only four have scored fewer points than South Carolina in their school’s history. And since Carolina joined the SEC in 1992, only two teams have fought off the Gamecocks for the glories of last place in victories: Kentucky and Vanderbilt. Although Carolina has finished last in its division twice. Carolina has yet to win six conference games in a season, joined again only by Kentucky and Vanderbilt in that particular achievement of hopelessness. Let us also remember that it was the distinguished accomplishment of Gamecock football to navigate two consecutive seasons without winning a single conference game; racking up an impressive string of 21 consecutive losses, having their run of inglorious failure snapped only in 2000 by beating eventual 3-8 record New Mexico State—after which, of course, the understandably brain-damaged chicken fans stormed the field and tore down the goalposts, a wonder New Mexico State never figured to experience after a game in an SEC stadium. This is Carolina Gamecock football.

Since 1992, only three times has any non-probation member of the conference failed to win two or more games overall in a season. Yet South Carolina has accomplished this feat twice, Kentucky only once. Since 1992, only once has a conference member failed to win a game overall in a single season. You guessed it, South Carolina.

South Carolina’s all-time record versus other current conference members is even more impressive: 2-9 vs Alabama, 4-8 vs Arkansas, 1-4-1 vs Auburn, 3-18-3 vs Florida, 13-41-2 vs Georgia, 8-6-1 vs Kentucky, 2-14-1 vs LSU, 5-7 vs Ole Miss, 5-6 vs Mississippi St., 2-18-2 vs Tennessee, and 11-2 vs Vanderbilt. That’s correct, Carolina leads the all-time series against 2 SEC teams...Kentucky and Vanderbilt. This is Carolina Gamecock football.

But, the comparison of only 12 seasons in one conference does no justice to the tradition of South Carolina football. So lets compare the Cocks record versus D-1A schools they have played 20 or more times: 36-61-4 vs Clemson, 17-24-3 vs Duke, 3-18-3 vs Florida, 13-41-2 vs Georgia, 9-12 vs Georgia Tech,11-17 vs Maryland, 16-34-4 vs North Carolina, 25-26-4 vs North Carolina State, 2-18-2 vs Tennessee, 21-12-1 vs Virginia, and 34-20-2 vs Wake Forest. William Brice is a crap hole. That’s correct, Carolina leads the all-time series against 2 of these 11 teams...Virginia and Wake Forest. This is Carolina Gamecock football.

Gamecock fans justify their horrible football record thru the strength of the SEC conference. But let’s look at the Gamecock’s record against the other big 4 conferences. South Carolina is 172-221-18 vs the ACC, 6-8 vs the Big 12, 22-26-5 vs the Big East, and 3-5 vs the Big Ten. This is Carolina Gamecock Football.

But all this tradition and past records are meaningless. What is more important is the recent history. Only losers live in the past. We are in the best years of Carolina Gamecock football, and the future has never been brighter...or has it? Carolina is coming off another losing season, the 9th in the last 13 seasons. Overall record since “the legend” Lou Holtz became Head Coach: 27-32 (0.458) . Since 1995: 43-59-1. Since Joining the SEC: 60-75-1. Since 1990 South Carolina is 69-86-3. Carolina has finished in the Top 15 once in the past 15 seasons, and been to three bowl games in that span. This is Carolina Gamecock football.

2003 would be the year that Holtz previous recruiting seasons would begin to pay dividends. The team no longer had any ‘cancers’ and was again united. Team unity, young stars, and maturity at QB would get South Carolina back to a New Years Day Bowl game. Your most hated rival would be down and a Carolina victory at home on the seasons last game would likely lead to the departure of the rival coaching staff. The best High School Running Back to ever step on a field made a pledge in February to attend South Carolina, and bring glory to Columbia. That Running Back ended the season by leading the team with 58 yards per game rushing in his first season in Columbia…3 Freshmen Running Backs in the conference were better. Your QB who had matured, and finally had a grasp of the offense? He finished with the lowest completion percentage in the conference, as well as the fewest yards. Again, it was a sub .500 record overall, 2-6 in the conference, another 0-for against the Big 3 from the East. And the season finale that would send your in-state rival back to the drawing board and end the coaching career of Tommy Bowden instead ended in a 46-point home loss.

Seventeen of Twenty-two starters returned for 2004, and with it came high expectations. Returning was your entire offensive backfield. You brought in a new defensive coordinator who was going to implement a new scheme that would be a better fit for your young defensive talent. On offense, Lou took over play calling duties and was supposed take Carolina to the top by grinding it out on the ground. And when your Senior QB would be presented with the situation when he must throw, Coach Holtz said he was going to “shock the conference”. The season began with a blowout win over Vanderbilt, and a 16-point lead midway through the second quarter over highly touted Georgia. But, then the reality of what the true description of South Carolina football is occurred, South Carolina wouldn’t score again until the South Florida game. When the season ended, this group of Gamecocks etched their name next to failures of the past. Once again South Carolina failed to reach the postseason. Once again, they ended conference play without a winning record. For the third season in a row they went 0-4 against the big three from the East and in state rival Clemson. The lopsided defeats in the 2004 contests against these four teams brought the total point differential margin to 191 points that Carolina has been outscored by in those four “rivalry” games over the last three seasons. South Carolina has allowed 23 or more points in nine of those games, and scored 23 or more only once. The Quarterback who was going to “shock the conference” didn’t make it to the third game of the season. Gamecock players gave Coach Holtz an early retirement gift during the final contest of the season in a 22-point loss to Clemson by delaying the game nearly ten minutes midway through the fourth quarter. The reason for the delay was frustrated South Carolina players started an ugly on-field altercation. The actions led to a postseason ban by the University. A team that had positioned itself to accomplish what only 11 teams before them had accomplished, instead took their place in Gamecock history as the 100th team that failed to reach postseason. Coach Holtz called the scene, his “biggest disappointment.” For many it was just another chapter of “This is South Carolina football.”

On November 23, 2004, South Carolina named Steve Spurrier as the schools Head Football Coach. Spurrier brings to South Carolina a .777 college winning percentage. His resume includes six SEC titles, one ACC title, and one national championship. Coach Spurrier holds the mark with the all-time highest winning percentage in SEC play. Spurrier will also bring to Columbia the highest expectations in the schools history. Spurrier finished in the Final AP Top 15 twelve consecutive seasons at Florida, so that is what we should expect at South Carolina. Spurrier had a career record of 11-1 against Georgia while at the Gator helm, so that is what we should expect at South Carolina. Gamecock players have greeted Coach Spurrier’s arrival in emblematic Carolina fashion with an abundance of team rules violations and felony arrests. In January, six players were charged after a total of $18,000 worth of computer and video equipment and framed photographs were taken from South Carolina's stadium in late November. The incident resulted in Offensive Lineman Woody Telfort being charged with a felony count of grand larceny, and numerous other charges against players. On March 1st leading rusher Demetris Summers was dismissed from the team. A day later, Tackle Kevin Mainord was arrested for stealing televisions from dorm rooms. Defensive End Moe Thompson was also arrested on similar charges six days later. On April 16th, two more Gamecock players, Josh Johnson and Ty Erving, were arrested and charged with simple marijuana possession. Less than two weeks later, WR David Smith pled guilty to third degree burglary. In late May, Linebacker Dustin Lindsey was charged with DUI. On June 23rd, Cory Boyd was dismissed from the team. In all, twelve players have been arrested in the 2005 calendar year. It’s been a typical Gamecock offseason. But, all will be suppressed in less than two months, when 111 years of South Carolina’s losing tradition will be changed. The man who will single handedly change the program has arrived in Columbia…sounds similar to what we were told before Holtz’ arrival. When Spurrier accepted the job to lead the Gamecocks, he commented, “they really haven’t ever done much here.” No kidding Steve, welcome to South Carolina football.

On October 20, 2007 South Carolina was ranked #6 and hosting the Vanderbilt Commodores. Vanderbilt triumphed 17-6 by defeating the highest ranked opponent for them since 1937. Next up was Tennessee which began the first leg of the Orange Crush with a come-from-behind overtime win 27-24. Then, Arkansas set rushing records galore with 542 yards rushing in the 48-36 win over the Gamecocks. Up next, Carolina bolstered another player’s Heisman Trophy chances when Tim Tebow rushed for five TD’s in a 51-31 win in Columbia. Lastly, the Orange Crush was completed for 2007 when Clemson defeated the Gamecocks 23-21. The loss gave Spurrier a career first of 5 losses in a row. South Carolina dropped from #6 midway through the season to 6-6 at its regular season conclusion. This is South Carolina Football.

(Original author unknown - revised by Saxon Dawg)