-
You
think the play The King and I is about Elvis.
-
You
ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
-
Your
trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.
-
You
list "tick removal" as a skill on your resume.
-
You
use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
-
You
think The Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and
mother.
-
You've
ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
-
Your
brother-in-law is also your uncle.
-
Your
nicest towels say "Property of Motel 6".
-
You
get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
-
The
photo on your driver's license includes your dog.
-
You
think Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
-
You've
ever walked through your living room and caught your neck on a clothesline.
-
Your
favorite seafood is hushpuppies.
-
You
consider anything outside the Lower 48 "overseas".
-
Your
neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
-
The
only cordless phone you have is the one your wife ripped out of
the wall when she caught you talking to your girlfriend.
-
You've
ever watched a tornado from a lawn chair.
-
The
blood mobile will not visit your trailer park.
-
You
develop a 1 to 10 warning system for your gas attacks.
-
Your
local funeral home is also a U-Haul franchise.
-
Beer
bellies run in your family.
-
You
have season tickets for the tractor pull.
-
Your
favorite kind of wine is strawberry.
-
Your
Uncle Bob died peeing on an electric fence.
-
Your
mama is banned from the front row at wrestling matches.
-
Your
daddy has ever said, "You kids run on down to the dump and see what
they left."
-
You
think a "quarter horse" is a ride in front of K-mart.
-
You've
ever beaten somebody up because they had a library card.
-
You
have orange road cones in your living room.
-
A
dating service matches you up with a relative.
-
You
answer all phone calls with, "The check's in the mail."
-
You've
ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.
-
You
think the traffic sign "Merge" is a personal challenge.
-
Orkin
uses your house as a training site.
-
Your
dentist wanted to exhibit your eyeteeth at a convention.
-
You
make wind chimes out of frozen orange juice lids.
-
You've
ever watched the game warden through your scope.
-
You
think a Rhodes Scholar is someone that just finished trucking school.
-
Your
grandmother, mother and wife all have kids the same age.
-
You
made up your social security number.
-
You've
ever used a laundromat as a mailing address.
-
You've
seen Walking Tall more than 50 times.
-
You're
the only one at your ten-year reunion with grandchildren.
-
The
quality of your birthday present depends on how mama finishes in
the wet T-shirt contest.
